Looking At Jedward's Crotch(s)

Who could forget their appearances on Britain's Got Talent, as much as we tried. The god awful Jedward, John and Edward the Irish twins who sang out of tune, danced awkwardly like marionettes and basically were just plain bad.

They've had the last laugh of course and have gone on to make millions with the help of Louis Walsh who recognises a money spinner when he sees two. And they really are quite likable in a cringe worthy way.

Now pop impresario Simon Napier-Bell has weighed into the debate with a look at Jedward's trousers, on the outside but with a few comments on what may lay within.

Napier-Bell  has launched many show biz acts in his day including some who have gone on to become legends. Like Marc Bolan and T-Rex and Wham with superstar George Michael.

He also wrote a few songs-one You Don't Have To Say You Love Me was a mega hit for Dusty Springfield and Elvis Presley and which along with Big Spender is still a favourite of drag queens the world over (Napier Bell grumbles that he never receives royalties from the drag acts)

His piece on Jedward is for the  Huffington Post and he descibes them as like "asexual Teddy bears"and gives us an amazing insight into acceptable trouser crotch levels and heights as seen in the world of rock and pop. Not unlike Vogue's Anna Wintour issuing a decree on hem levels. It should  become required reading for anyone intent on cracking Britain's Got Talent or X Factor and as Napier-Bell is in constant demand to judge pop talent quests around the world he probably knows what he is talking about.

Regular Shuttle readers may re-call we acted as a bit of a host when Simon Napier Bell visited Sydney in 2009 and ferried him to and fro to various media interviews.

Simon Napier-Bell

 One, with top TV daytime host Kerri Anne Kennerley left her reeling when she asked him what was  most outrageous thing that happened in the world of rock management and he replied-"possibly when David Bowie said he would let me  f*ck him if I would manage him". Fortunately for Napier Bell he didn't take Bowie up on the offer particularly as at the time the Thin White Duke was notable for his rotting green teeth.

Napier-Bell spends most of time commuting between a sumptuous villa in Thailand and the UK and USA where he hosts a radio show and lectures while writing some best selling books in his spare time.

KAK- shocked

His Black Vinyl White Powder is considered the definitive history of rock and pop from the 60s to the 90's and was required reading on the British school curriculum.

I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch is a rollicking read about his adventures as he attempts to (successfully) negotiate with Chinese party officials to have Wham as the first ever international pop act to appear in China, nipping in the bud the ambitions of Freddie Mercury and Queen. At the time it was one of the most talked about events on the planet.

Simon Napier-Bell is writing regular features for the Huffington Post which can be read here.
 At Simon's website you can find more about his books.
Here is Elvis with You Don't Have To Say You Love Me :

Fashion Special-Airline Flights-What They Are Wearing #1

In these troublesome times with ash clouds from Chilean volcanoes interrupting airline flights and a controversy swirling around the USA over searches of travellers by the TSA, how pleasing to see someone has chosen to make life easy for harried airport officials by choosing this sensible outfit in which to board his flight.

The gentleman, who was happy to pose was snapped by a fellow traveller at San Francisco airport (where else?)  and the picture was sent to the local newspaper The San Francisco Chronicle.

You will note he wears a comfortable electric blue bra type top and bottom with a contrasting camisole that can be easily whipped off in the summer heat and sensible stockings to prevent deep vein thrombosis.

A simple necklace sets off the outfit with high heel slip on shoes all the better for easy removal on long haul flights. Combined with a tasteful plain black carry-on hold all means our traveller can alight from his flight, refreshed and head straight for the office or that important business meeting.

More at The San Francisco Chronicle.

Rihanna, Dawn O'Donnell & The Tool Shed

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Rihanna

Just 18 hours to go before the 2011 Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras begins it's journey up Oxford Street to finish at Moore Park where thousands will then flock to Fox Studios and the Horden Pavilion for the after-parade party.

Entertainment at the party will be Alexis Jordan, New York dance queen Wynter Gordon, the internet sensation  Chris "leave Britney alone" Crocker and drag star Courtney Act.

While the tabloids are still plumping their wish list of star acts-George Michael and Rihanna, we can report that whilst negotiations have been under way between the Mardi Gras committee and Rihanna's management, it's unlikely she will grace the event. Money is the problem. She wants lots and the Mardi Gras crowd are basically broke. Rhianna will be appearing at the Acer Arena tonight and fantasies that she will jump in a chopper to the inner city party are just that.

There is one big problem for stars who entertain at the party. Cameras of any description, personal or media are strictly banned. No photograph of the party has ever been published so it isn't even worth the publicity value to front up. George Michael will be there with bells on but only as a guest.

Rhianna visited the adult sex shop, the Tool Shed on Oxford Street yesterday and spent up big. While it was meant to be a big secret and the shop is usually packed out with visitors at this time of the year, the Tool Shed owners closed the doors and within minutes mobile phones were abuzz about the diva's shopping spree.

The Tool Shed is one of the oldest and most successful adult shops in Sydney and was opened by the lesbian former ice skating champion, cum butcher and nightclub owner Dawn O'Donnell.

It sold adult gear, aids and x-rated porn when porn of any description was illegal. There was also a back room with live sex shows where audience members were always welcome to join in.

 Once every six months the local cop shop at Taylors Square about 200 yards up the road would raid the Tool Shed but not before a friendly station  Sergeant would put a call through to Dawn with the full details and time of the raid..

Photographs would duly appear in the newspapers of police trudging out of the store with boxes of supposed porn and it was claimed, the constabulary had done their duty. The boxes were empty of course except for one which was packed with goodies like the latest lesbian porn to be shared around back at Darlinghurst nick and another with a few dozen cans of beer. Dawn was generous like that. While most of Dawn's nightclubs had mysterious fires when business soured, the Tool Shed, a real money spinner, always survived.



Dawn O'Donnell



When Dawn died she left a fortune of 4 million dollars and Mosman house worth another 3. Like all good gay society deaths, there was intrigue over Dawn's will. She left the house to her girlfriend plus a load of art. Much of which turned out to be fake including a Lucien Freud. Rumours say the paintings were switched whilst Dawn lay dying in hospital.

Our mole at the Toolbox tells us Rhianna spent up big on S & M outfits that will no doubt feature in her show tonight. Lots of leather and  skimpy outfits with studs , a whip, handcuffs and a set of nipple rings !. A burly bodyguard carried out 2 bags of gear while Rhianna rushed to a waiting Range Rover. By that stage there must have been a dozen paparazzi waiting and a crowd of excited gays from the nearby pub.

A passing American tourist asked a photographer if the figure in black with the hood over her head was a local politician !

Meanwhile here is Chris Crocker talking about gays. The Shuttle met him at a party on Thursday evening and asked him what the Britney bit was all about. Chris said his mother was doing drugs at the time and going through a rough patch-in his eyes Britney became his de-facto mum !

George Michael Blows In- Festival Kicks Off

Slipping quietly into town, George Michael has taken up residence in a Whale Beach house for summer. Although one report has him actually buying the house, our mole disguised as a potted palm in a realtor's office says Michael has rented the house for 3 months along with an apartment in the luxury Icon building in Kings Cross where he stayed earlier this year. His neighbours at the Icon-the Crown Prince and Princess of Japan who own a magnificent penthouse there  but are yet to stay in it.

George was last year's special guest at the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras and spent 2 months holidaying on the Oxford Street Golden Gay Mile drinking in numerous bars. He seems to have fallen in love with the local lads.

Meanwhile Emmy Lou Harris has arrived for the Sydney Festival that opened on Saturday. She sang at last night's Hyde Park concert and will be at the State Theatre with her Red Dirt Boys tonight and Monday.

John Malkovich will be here next Wednesday to prepare for his appearance in  the Giacomo Variations at the Sydney Opera House while Arrested Development have taken up residence in the Beck's Festival Bar at the Hyde Park Barracks and one not to be missed-Mac Con Lomaire and his band will be appearing in the sensational Spiegeltent in Hyde Park. If you have never been inside the Spiegeltent you haven't lived !

There is heaps more on. Some notables- Los Lobos will be at the Enmore Theatre on 14th January, 5 international dance troupes including the Trocodero Dance Palace-they were at the opening party last night with some brilliant and energetic 50's dance routines. 8 art shows and installations at various venues, a program of rare films at Sydney University, heaps of free music shows all over the place and a series of talks not to be missed including John Malkovich at the Town Hall in conversation with Rocky Horror legendary director Jim Sharman, Phillip Glass (left) with Paul Grabolsky and singer Paul Kelly with Richard Kingsmill.

Phew-and that's just a few of the great local and international entertainment which lasts until the 30th of January and then of course, it starts all over again with the Mardi Gras festival which means you may run into George Michael on his nightly pub crawl up Oxford Street Darlinghurst (his favourite bar- the Midnight Shift!)

Murdoch tabloid just a little dated...

They mocked us when we first printed the tale with the headline on Sunday, November 29, 2009,

Exclusive !-famous cottager to attend Mardi Gras
...and so it came to pass just as we predicted and breathlessly reported in Rupert's top Aussie tabloid the Daily Telegraph today.

At the time they said we were bonkers. That's also the same crew who brought us the riveting non-tale of actor Matt Damon holidaying on The World ocean liner in Queensland in November despite the fact that the movie star-as we pointed out-was skiing in Aspen.

Yes, George Michael will appear at this Saturdays official Mardi Gras party (last weekend was a festival party after the actual Mardi Gras parade -the MG committee totally botched their planning).

Michael was dining tonight at Justin Hemme's Lotus restauarant in Potts Point and was happy to promise our names will be on the door ( famous last words of course-that never works out

you call that a drag queen ?

       Trolley dollies on Air New Zealand have got their knickers in a twist over their new uniforms (pictured right). The hosties complain that their new threads make them look like 'drag queens off the Mardi Gras 'pink' flight".

     

One commented to a NZ newspaper "I haven't worn that colour since I was 5".  The uniforms were designed by top NZ fashion designer  Trelise Cooper (left).

He based the print design on the Maori symbol, the 'koru', a name given to the new unfurling fern frond and symbolizes new life, growth, strength and peace. It's also the corporate design of Air NZ.

tSS hasn't been to the Land of the Long White Cloud ( and is not sure if we should after reading Duncan Fallowell's Going As Far As I Can) but we do have a rather batty aunt there who married a confirmed bachelor Knight of the Realm so he could get respectability and she in turn, the title Lady.

       Once when she visited Sydney tSS drove her to see Bondi Beach where she commented on the number of dark-hued folk about and upon hearing they were mainly Maoris who seemed to love the beachside suburb she replied.."really ! New Zealand seems to be getting lots of them there too !". Well she is slightly crackers and drinks a lot of gin.

            If we ever do travel there (which is likely to be soon on a mysterious project at the amazing Peter Jackson film studios) we will surely catch the Mardi Gras 'pink' flight".

     

      

 But do these uniforms really look like 'drag queen ' outfits ?. More like furnishing coverings to us and really-who cares what the person asking "beef or chicken ?" really is clothed in ?. The only requirement I have is that the pilot is sober, unlike me, on long haul flights.

And they certainly don't look like our favourite Maori drag queen Carmen (left).

            

 tSS has found the perfect Hostie outfit for the new Mardi Gras 'pink' flight. (right). We think we might put the idea to Virgin airline boss Sir Richard Branson (left) with the idea he launches regular Mardi Gras 'pink' flights.


Afterall he took up tSS's suggestion to introduce live entertainment on his first London to New York flights a long time ago. We reckon it's a winner of an idea.

The Sport of Kings and queens

Mark down Friday 26th February as a Day at The Races not to be missed.

Royal Randwick Racecourse will hold the world’s first gay and lesbian race day.

The Pink Stiletto Race Day will be the ultimate social event in the lead up to the 2010 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.

Randwick normally attracts it's fair share of "colourful racing identities " (old gangster slang for a person of no fixed employment but loaded with cash) but this should bring thousands of racegoers, gay and straight, who will be‘coming out’ to Royal Randwick on the eve of Sydney’s Mardi Gras parade.

And the colour,the frocks,the stilettos !. It will give the jockey silks a run for their money and any race day at Randwick is like a fashion contest between well heeled gals trying to outdo each other but expect drag like you've never seen before.

Expect to see most of Sydney's best known drag stars-they'll be there-Kitty Glitter, Minnie Cooper, Miss Understood, Courtney Act, Sarah Pax.

Even our favourite neighbour Carmen should be there-pictured here at the funeral of the late Sydney King's Cross identity Abe Saffron.

Top horse trainer Gae Waterhouse ( centre below) is giving her support.

She's pictured with a couple of blokes in frocks and an escort who looks suspiciously like society hairdresser Joh Bailey's boyfriend Adam Williams. It's all for a good cause-the Bobby Goldsmith Fund which provides support for people living with HIV.

The Pink Stiletto, Royal Randwick Racecourse on Friday, February 26. Gates open at 11am. Tickets $15 from bgf.org.au.

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Stars lined up for 2010 Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras party so far include Whitney Huston. But don't forget you read it here first-George Michael will put in an appearance also.