Looking At Jedward's Crotch(s)

Who could forget their appearances on Britain's Got Talent, as much as we tried. The god awful Jedward, John and Edward the Irish twins who sang out of tune, danced awkwardly like marionettes and basically were just plain bad.

They've had the last laugh of course and have gone on to make millions with the help of Louis Walsh who recognises a money spinner when he sees two. And they really are quite likable in a cringe worthy way.

Now pop impresario Simon Napier-Bell has weighed into the debate with a look at Jedward's trousers, on the outside but with a few comments on what may lay within.

Napier-Bell  has launched many show biz acts in his day including some who have gone on to become legends. Like Marc Bolan and T-Rex and Wham with superstar George Michael.

He also wrote a few songs-one You Don't Have To Say You Love Me was a mega hit for Dusty Springfield and Elvis Presley and which along with Big Spender is still a favourite of drag queens the world over (Napier Bell grumbles that he never receives royalties from the drag acts)

His piece on Jedward is for the  Huffington Post and he descibes them as like "asexual Teddy bears"and gives us an amazing insight into acceptable trouser crotch levels and heights as seen in the world of rock and pop. Not unlike Vogue's Anna Wintour issuing a decree on hem levels. It should  become required reading for anyone intent on cracking Britain's Got Talent or X Factor and as Napier-Bell is in constant demand to judge pop talent quests around the world he probably knows what he is talking about.

Regular Shuttle readers may re-call we acted as a bit of a host when Simon Napier Bell visited Sydney in 2009 and ferried him to and fro to various media interviews.

Simon Napier-Bell

 One, with top TV daytime host Kerri Anne Kennerley left her reeling when she asked him what was  most outrageous thing that happened in the world of rock management and he replied-"possibly when David Bowie said he would let me  f*ck him if I would manage him". Fortunately for Napier Bell he didn't take Bowie up on the offer particularly as at the time the Thin White Duke was notable for his rotting green teeth.

Napier-Bell spends most of time commuting between a sumptuous villa in Thailand and the UK and USA where he hosts a radio show and lectures while writing some best selling books in his spare time.

KAK- shocked

His Black Vinyl White Powder is considered the definitive history of rock and pop from the 60s to the 90's and was required reading on the British school curriculum.

I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch is a rollicking read about his adventures as he attempts to (successfully) negotiate with Chinese party officials to have Wham as the first ever international pop act to appear in China, nipping in the bud the ambitions of Freddie Mercury and Queen. At the time it was one of the most talked about events on the planet.

Simon Napier-Bell is writing regular features for the Huffington Post which can be read here.
 At Simon's website you can find more about his books.
Here is Elvis with You Don't Have To Say You Love Me :

Quentin Crisp Lives!...in time for the Equal Love March !

Victor Zammit (left) is an Australian lawyer who is also a Spiritualist who attends regular seances and publishes a website AfterLife Evidence with news direct from the other side.

Zammit gets into regular biffo  with the sceptic magician James Randi. Both offer million dollar prizes-Randi's for  anyone who can produce definitive proof of an afterlife while Victor offers likewise for anyone who can prove there is no afterlife. No-one has yet claimed either prize.

Now Zammit has published an extraordinary story-a tale of a seance he recently attended where the Stately Homo Quentin Crisp speaks during the seance with some comforting words for gays & lesbians (and presumably trans genders) just in time for today's Equal Love march and demonstration in Sydney to support Same Sex Marriage.

In Quentin's own words:

"One of the reasons that I come through is to prove that even homosexuals live beyond death... It proves that the Catholics are speaking out from where the sun doesn't shine. Why, pray, would you not live beyond death because you're homosexual. There's lots of ignoramuses ..."

Quentin sounds slightly odd in this recording from the seance. But so would you if you passed away in Chorley-cum-Hardy in Manchester and woke in a suburban Sydney living room to find yourself chatting via a gentleman with a taped mouth and roped to a chair ..listen for yourself :

Perhaps pop impresario Simon Napier-Bell can put these words to music as he did with this 2008 recording (9 years after Crisp died)- Quentin's disco song Velvet Summer Nights:

The outrageous Mr Simon Napier-Bell

A Shuttle staffer has drawn our attention to an interview in the UK Sunday Express with Simon Napier-Bell published in February. The same staff member introduced our team to Simon when he visited Sydney in 2007 for a series of radio and TV interviews.

It seems the bon viveur, pop impresario and songwriter and lately, best-selling author has verbally seduced another journalist over a fine dinner. Our colleague reckons that is Napier-Bell's stock in trade and it works extremely well. He dazzles and hypnotizes over the dinner table with words and a fine bottle of vintage red.

Simon's website is a must to visit and full of anecdotes and the history of his musical successes from the Yardbyrds, Dusty Springfield, Marc Bolan and T-Rex to Wham with a few of the biggest chart topping songs penned along the way. He lives most of his  time in Thailand now and is writing another book-the last 3 having been best-sellers with 'Black Vinyl White Powder' regarded by critics as possibly one of the best books ever written on the music industry. I recommend "I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch" about Napier-Bell's  successful scheme to get Wham to be the first western band to ever appear in China. At times it reads like a thriller and is one of those books you find difficult to put down.

Our Shuttler says he went on a few adventures with Mr Napier-Bell to foreign parts and has some very saucy tales to tell but is keeping them for his own tome. He did let us in on one episode though when the pair visited Rome for a weekend.
Being our Shuttlers first and only ever visit to the glorious city, the 2 set out for a stroll along the beautiful Villa Borghese gardens on a perfect Roman spring day. 

Within minutes they spotted an extremely handsome young Italian stud who sent all the right  gaydar signals. Our Shuttler wheeled around and insisted upon following the young Italian. He says it was like a scene out of Death in Venice - the young man would stop occasionally to allow them to gain traction and then speed off again. All that was missing was the black hair dye running down our Shuttler's face in the heat.

In a two hour trek at lightening speed our Shuttler whisked past sights he had dreamed of one day visiting, seen only out of the corner of his eye in a blur. Down the Spanish Steps, along the Via Veneto, past the Trevi Fountain, the Vatican City, the Coliseum and so on.  Ten yards behind Mr Napier-Bell did his best to keep up pleading for a cultural  interlude but ignored.

On a hill high above Rome with our Shuttle staffer believing success was soon to be his and his own Roman Spring of Mrs Stone was about to blossom, the young Italian turned around, laughed, gave a sporty wave and sped off to disappear forever into a labyrinth of alleyways.

He remembers little of Rome from that weekend except a later visit to a disco to drown his sorrows whereupon  he rounded on Napier-Bell and accused him of wrecking what was destined to be a romantic love tryst, by lagging so far behind.

In a huff he walked off in high dungeon and out the door to return to their hotel - and straight into a broom closet. Where he waited a full hour before he emerged in embarrassment.

Ever the perfect host, Mr Napier-Bell was patiently waiting with  a fine bottle of white wine on ice.

Years later our Shuttler was dining with mutual acquaintances who had recently  met with Mr Napier Bell in Singapore and they commented on how entertaining he had been. Which included recounting the tale of the race through Rome !

Legends to lead the parade..

Napier-Bell

Dusty

        It's always a bit off a secret but we can reveal the lead float for tonight's Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras will feature famous gays and lesbians through the ages from Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Oscar Wilde and so on. And later day icons will include the likes of Dusty Springfield which should please a regular Shuttle reader, the Thailand based pop mogul Simon Napier-Bell who co-authored her greatest hit "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" ( he titled his autobiography after the song and was Britain's Gay Personality Of The Year in 2005).

For the uninformed, the parade this year begins at Whitlam Square. At last year's beginning point a few hundred metres down the road there were reputedly 8 stabbings and about 40 fist fights. Why organisers think it will be any different this year is a mystery but there will be a 1000 police on hand ( including the contingent who march in the parade). No guesses that a fair number of them will be posted outside the party venue with a dozen sniffer dogs. Take your drugs early folks although this does bring the risk of peaking early and tears before bedtime-or party time. Not that we encourage that sort of thing.

Sir Elton & Ross Watson

Meanwhile at the Depot Gallery in Waterloo there is an exhibition of paintings by Ross Watson-who has a fan in Elton John. He has done a huge portrait of last year's lead from the Mardi Gras, the gold medalist diver Matthew Mitcham who thanked his male partner on the winning dais at Beijing in 2008 and has since become a gay pin-up. Mitcham is depicted in Caravaggio style paintings as seen here.

lovers: Johan van Vloten & Justice Michael Kirby

Watson has done a series of local gay icons including Justice Michael Kirby the recently retired High Court judge who quietly came out via his Who's Who entry 10 years ago when under his partner listing he included his lover, a Dutch news agent Johan van Vloten calling him "domestic partner". A political firestorm followed as his head was demanded with claims he was admitting to illegal gay sex previous to 1984.

  Says Sir Elton of Watson- "Having known Ross Watson for a long time, and been a collector of his art, I had the opportunity recently to visit his gallery, which reconfirmed my belief that he is a great talent. I never tire of his paintings - he is a leader in contemporary realism."

exclusive : Beatle John Lennon's bi-sexual orgies !

The British blogger Madame Arcati says a new book reveals that former Beatle John Lennon indulged in bi-sexual orgies. Former pop king Jonathan King who has sold over 40 million records in his time reveals the tale in his just released autobiography 65 My Life So Far.
                 There have been persistent rumours about Lennon's sexuality over the years especially concerning his manager and the discoverer of  The Beatles, Brian Epstein.
               Lennon's first wife Cynthia, who John married in 1968 but also had been living with since their art school days and possibly knew the Beatle better than anyone including Yoko Ono, details in her 2004 book John the complicated relationship between Lennon and Epstein.

          Although she denies it was sexual she does concede it was an extremely complex relationship with Lennon at times being excessively cruel to Epstein whist at the same time expressing his deep admiration for the man.
                   When Brian Epstein committed suicide in 1967 it was said that he was upset at the possibility of losing  management of The Beatles whilst close friends claimed that Epstein was distraught at losing his influence with Lennon who they said he was obsessed with. Cynthia says Lennon, assassinated in New York in 1980 was devastated at the news of Epstein's death.              
                    A contemporary of Epsteins, the music identity Simon Napier-Bell relates the tale of receiving a long rambling phone message about Lennon from Epstein on his answering machine the night the Beatles manager killed himself.
                  Jonathan King had his first massive hit record in 1965 with his song "Everyones Gone To The Moon" whilst he was still a university undergraduate and went onto have a string of pop hits over the years as well as producing records for top bands like 10CC and Genesis, worked with bands like Iron Maiden, Def Leppard and Whitesnake, ran his own record company, stood for Parliament, hosted TV shows and wrote for newspapers and produced the Eurovision Song Contest.
             He also did a stint in jail and currently has an appeal over that court case before the European Court of Human Rights.

King says in his book that "two or three times" in the 60s, Lennon stayed over at his flat with with several young ladies and was perfectly happy to indulge in a multi-gender session of stimulation."


65 My Life So Far can be obtained at Amazon.
             **********************************************************

## tSS has had to sack one staff member after a kind reader pointed out that dreadful spelling mistakes have been rampant throughout posts. The office moggie Mildred Pierce who doubled as a sub-editor has been banished from the office and only fear of the RSPCA who have already pounced upon 2 cast members of "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"over the demise of a rat prevents us from removing the feline from the building..

It's also recommended that one should always double check one's work if using one of those new mini laptops if your sight is not up to par.