Sir Les inspires !

The noted Aussie dipolomat & Cheese Board executive Sir Leslie Patterson

n has inspired Sydney's uber guest who a party is a non event without, Christian Wilkins who appeared tonight wearing a pair of Sir Les' caste off platform shoes at the gliteerring Aria Awards. And why not?. Christian who now fills the shoes of the late and much missed Lady Sonia McMahon as a must have at any do large or small. Such fun. For more fabulosu snaps of music types and their wondrous outfites go to the wondrous Daily Mail tabloid.

Bob Sings

For your sheer delight: former PM Bob Hawke sings an operatic version of Waltzing Matilda today at the Woodford Folk Festival in sunny Queensland. Whispers can't work out whether Bob was the inspiration for Sir Les Patterson or visa versa.

The Yartz Party

 The Federal Election is almost upon us and while arguably the most artistically inclined
prime minister Malcolm Turnbull will be fighting for his political life a new party has been launched and is hoping to pick up one million votes.
The Arts Party "exists to encourage a more creative, cultural, educated and prosperous life for every Australian.". The first candidate will be Lou Pollard who will be standing for the North Sydney seat.
And the party is now crowd-funding to raise money for the coming election. You can read more or join the party at their official website here.
And there are some real heavy weight show biz names already spruiking for the campaign including Bryan Brown, Geraldine Turner and Lex Marinos. The only thing missing is a word from Australia's Cultural Attache to the Court of St James Sir Les Patterson.

Clover to The Rescue

  Sydney's esteemed Lord Mayor Clover Moore held a small shindig last week to farewell Town Hall worker Rachel Healy who is leaving to join theatre director Neil Armfield  (actor Geoffrey Rush's best pal) to work on the Adelaide Festival with Armfield. Left pictured are Armfield, Lord Mayor Clover Moor and Rachel.
Alas proceedings were drawn to a sudden halt when a party guest went crashing down in a faint perhaps overcome by the excitement of it all. Leaping into action Clover was by the side of the prone body in seconds and soon administering a cool clothe to the brow of the hapless guest. Below is a snap of all the drama taken by noted Sydney photographer and chronicler of this town's society, William Yang.

                                         ***************************************

 Australian cultural icon Dame Edna Everage has sent Whispers a doctored snap she also sent to Sir Ian McKellan for his 76th birthday. McKellan was so taken with it he is now using as his profile pic on Facebook.

 Meanwhile Dame Edna's manager Barry Humphries has been interviewed in The Guardian in his capacity as director of the Adelaide Festival with some comments to make about the noted Australian diplomat Sir Les Patterson pictured below next to Humphries.

And a Tale of Woe : singer and musician Sean Lennon currently on tour in the UK has posted a snap (right)  on his Facebook page of the empty spot in his band's van where their radio was stolen a few days ago in Shepherd's Bush while they were performing. At last estimate his mum Yoko Ono was worth a cool $500M.

Geat Honour for Sir Les

A magnificent portrait of the noted Australian diplomat Sir Les Patterson, representative of the Cheese Board and Cultural Affairs Attache to the Court of St James has received a rare honour.
A portrait of him has today picked up the Packer's Prize, chosen by those who receive, unpack and hang entries for the Archibald Prize.

And the prize is not to be sniffed at either, artist Tim Storrier wins $1000 plus an ANZ Bank $500 gift card. Sadly for Storrier, no Packer's Prize choice has gone on to win the Archibald. That will be chosen next Friday at a gala bash at the NSW Art Gallery.
Below is a film of Sir Les in action. You
can see why he is respected in diplomatic circles world-wide.

Election News : PM Tony Abbott Outed !

PM Tony can barely hide his excitement

He has just taken the reigns after a concerted media campaign led by the American billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch and now the Shuttle brings you exclusive news : far from being a Philistine troglodyte who will roll us back into the 1950s as his critics claim, PM Tony Abbott is a fan of the arts !

The gilded couple Charles Billich & wife Krista who regularly fly exited social hacks around the world to breathlessly report on their glittering soirees at upmarket venues like the Playboy Mansion in LA , have presented a grateful Prime Minister with a gorgeous work of art that only our Charles can produce. Will it hang in The Lodge like other rare Billich works hang in The Vatican and other grand mansions?  And is it a fetching nude, perhaps of Krista draped over a chaise lounge legs akimbo ?  . Is this the first step for an exciting exhibition of Billich prints at the National Gallery in Canberra ?. Will Sir Les Patterson emerge from retirement ? Clearly a New Era for The Yartz is upon us.  Exciting times ahead. !   

Royal Updates

Most Fascinating MBE Recipient of The Year :

April Ashley who was Britain's first transgender model received her MBE from Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace. Looking for all the world like a Dowager Duchess straight from the set of Downton Abbey, Ashley received the honour for her services to transgender equality.


Ashley married Lord Rowallan in 1970 but the potty peer was granted an annulment on the claim he didn't realise April was once a Liverpudlian sailor.

The Shuttle once accompanied Ms Ashley to a Berkley Square Ball where she kept the late Princess Margaret occupied in conversation whilst we assisted pop singer Marilyn over the fence.
Ashley says she had a string of Hollywood lovers including the late Michael Hutchence. On the night of the Berkley Ball she snared a handsome young city  type gent and had her way with him in the Shuttle's Fulham living room. As we escorted him to the door when he left to go to his city bank job in the morning he asked:"I know she's famous, what is her name again?"... " oh yes she was a James Bond girl,.just tell you pals at the bank you've been banging April Ashley all night" we replied.

Wackiest New Political Party

Proud Monarchist , the fragrant David Flint has announced the launch of a new political party CANdo to bring back capital punishment, a tougher line on refugees and all the other policies of the US Tea Party.
Confirmed bachelor Flint also wants a referendum on gay marriage and has voiced his support for wacko Senator Corey Bernardi who reckons legalising gay marriage may lead to bestiality and other such outrages.

Flint has been joined in his endevour by right wing mining magnate Hugh Morgan and our favourite shock jock Alan Jones who was recently ordered to apologise to the Muslim community on his radio program by ACMA which co-incidentally Flint was forced to resign from when he was head of the media watchdog and was discovered writing passionate  letters of support to Jones whilst he was being investigated by ACMA during the infamous Cash For Comments scandal.

""I've been called a perma-tanned Indonesian-born blow-in" says Flint of his critics. Indeed, the Shuttle well remembers a much younger Flint blowing into the infamous Paddington gay pub the Windsor Castle when he was just a mere lad.
Best Diplomatic Appointment

Bringing style back into diplomacy. It seems almost certain that Vogue supremo Anna Wintour will be appointed by Barack Obama as the American ambassador to the Court of St James.

Other famous Ambassadors to Britain include Australia's Sir Les Patterson !

Dame Edna,Vagina Deniers & Gladioli Interuptus

It was bound to be a night of laughter, memories and tears as Dame Edna Everage took to the stage at the Capitol Theatre to bade farewell at the beginning of her final tour, Eat Pray Laugh !.

The first hour was given over to Sir Les Patterson who despite a severe attack of Montezuma's Revenge insisted on treating audience members to an on-stage BBQ in between Sir Les rushing for relief in a handy stage loo complete with amplified sound effects.

Sir Les introduced his brother Gerard Patterson, a Catholic priest who seemed much taken with Dame Edna's young Asian male pianist despite his correctional ankle bracelet sounding an alarm. According to Les, Gerard is a "card carrying member of the Vagina Deniers Club ".

Maria Venuti

The late Sandy Stone gave a final discourse about his life on Earth before ascending to the heavens in his armchair to the sounds of My Blue Heaven.

Dame Edna's manager Barry Humphries & Lizzie Spender

And then it was time for the grand Dame herself, arriving on an elephant with a decidedly Indian theme. Apparently Dame Edna's manager Barry Humphries has signed Edna to a long Bollywood film contract after mistakenly believing he was signing a Hollywood film contract.

artist John Olsen

Bruce Beresford

This was a night with Dame Edna at her best and those in the 'ashtrays' and upstairs circle were invited to "cling on like fruit bats" with the star promising to glance at them occasionally in direct proportion to their ticket prices. We heard the latest on her children, the dress designer Kenny and her daughter Val Mai with her numerous piercings who is in show biz as well, performing at the women's only Clit Clat Club in Marrickville.

Various hapless audience members were grilled as to their bedroom decor and few were spared Edna's pithy comments. The finale was as expected, with every audience member, stomachs aching from laughter provided with their own gladioli and a standing ovation to wish the Dame farewell.
And a final appearance from Barry Humphries with thanks to the audience and a hope that they would all attend the next farewell tour.

As for Dame Edna's future plans-she's been telling a UK newspaper that a biographical film of her life is in the planning :"little Carey Mulligan will be playing me, Helen Mirren will play my grandmother and that dear little Judy Dench will be my bridesmaid Madge".
It's just the beginning of Dame Edna's world tour and at 78 years of age could be her last. Run don't walk and get tickets now wherever you are. They're going like hotcakes and it's a seriously funny night of laughs.

a night to remember

tSS has scored 2 tickets courtesy of Barry Humphries to the gala premiere of Dame Edna Everage's new stage spectacular this Monday night at the Sydney Opera House.

               This show should be something else-brilliant violinist Richard Tognetti and the highly acclaimed  Australian Chamber Orchestra will be performing along with Humphries, Dame Edna and Sir Les Patterson, Cultural Attache and Minister for The Yartz.
                One proviso, Barry has recommended we don't let the Dame know we are his guests The seats are in the front row and we could come in for a verbal bashing from Edna.

                 Sir Les will be singing some of his favourite songs from Slim Dusty country tunes to Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy". Humphries says Sir Les may even be joined by Dame Edna in a duet-  " if only to upstage the respected senior politician" whilst Humphries will conduct the orchestra. This we have to see. All 3 on stage at once.

                 Humphries has also advised Tognetti to take out extra insurance on the amazing gift he received 2 years ago from a mystery benefactor-a $10M valued violin known as a Carrodus-one of only four in existence. 
 "Sir Les has a particularly virulent strain of spittle that has been known to eat holes through the toughest timber" says Humphries. 
            Barry will also be performing Façade, Edith Sitwell’s eccentric nonsense poems recited over William Walton’s cheeky, jazzy, hummable instrumental backgrounds. Humphries says "expect anything in this show-anything is likely to happen"
             As to Sir Les Patterson who will be appearing in off-white tails, Humphries says " I've been quite surprised. There hasn't been one single objection to Sir Les taking the stage at such a cultural evening. Although there could be quite a body of objection afterwards".
         
  There are only 2 performances in Sydney and 2 in Melbourne with limited seats-so book early HERE.
        
As Humphries says :"this is a once in a lifetime event. And many may say after 'thank God for that' "
                    **************************************************

## If a night with the Dame isn't your bag, how about former Australian Guantanamo Bay inmate Mamdouh Habib's one man show Waiting For Mamdouh which will be premiered next February as part of NIDA's  Short+Sweet theatrical festival.

   Habib spent nearly 4 years at GITMO before being released without charge and flown back to Australia by private jet. He says he was tortured in Pakistan with Australian and CIA agents watching on before being blindfolded and flown to Cuba.. He also says he has had 3 offers from the US to make films of his life but cannot travel abroad because the Australian government refuses to issue a passport despite him never having been convicted of a crime.
   Mamdou's play is a ten minute soliloquy performed in a cell onstage where he "tells the truth to the Australian people and the world." of his time in Cuba.