a night to remember

tSS has scored 2 tickets courtesy of Barry Humphries to the gala premiere of Dame Edna Everage's new stage spectacular this Monday night at the Sydney Opera House.

               This show should be something else-brilliant violinist Richard Tognetti and the highly acclaimed  Australian Chamber Orchestra will be performing along with Humphries, Dame Edna and Sir Les Patterson, Cultural Attache and Minister for The Yartz.
                One proviso, Barry has recommended we don't let the Dame know we are his guests The seats are in the front row and we could come in for a verbal bashing from Edna.

                 Sir Les will be singing some of his favourite songs from Slim Dusty country tunes to Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy". Humphries says Sir Les may even be joined by Dame Edna in a duet-  " if only to upstage the respected senior politician" whilst Humphries will conduct the orchestra. This we have to see. All 3 on stage at once.

                 Humphries has also advised Tognetti to take out extra insurance on the amazing gift he received 2 years ago from a mystery benefactor-a $10M valued violin known as a Carrodus-one of only four in existence. 
 "Sir Les has a particularly virulent strain of spittle that has been known to eat holes through the toughest timber" says Humphries. 
            Barry will also be performing Façade, Edith Sitwell’s eccentric nonsense poems recited over William Walton’s cheeky, jazzy, hummable instrumental backgrounds. Humphries says "expect anything in this show-anything is likely to happen"
             As to Sir Les Patterson who will be appearing in off-white tails, Humphries says " I've been quite surprised. There hasn't been one single objection to Sir Les taking the stage at such a cultural evening. Although there could be quite a body of objection afterwards".
         
  There are only 2 performances in Sydney and 2 in Melbourne with limited seats-so book early HERE.
        
As Humphries says :"this is a once in a lifetime event. And many may say after 'thank God for that' "
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## If a night with the Dame isn't your bag, how about former Australian Guantanamo Bay inmate Mamdouh Habib's one man show Waiting For Mamdouh which will be premiered next February as part of NIDA's  Short+Sweet theatrical festival.

   Habib spent nearly 4 years at GITMO before being released without charge and flown back to Australia by private jet. He says he was tortured in Pakistan with Australian and CIA agents watching on before being blindfolded and flown to Cuba.. He also says he has had 3 offers from the US to make films of his life but cannot travel abroad because the Australian government refuses to issue a passport despite him never having been convicted of a crime.
   Mamdou's play is a ten minute soliloquy performed in a cell onstage where he "tells the truth to the Australian people and the world." of his time in Cuba.

TigerGate

Our spy in Thailand disguised as property developer Rob Astbury informs tSS that his houseboy printed up a few hundred t-shirts stating "I HAD SEX WITH TIGER TOO"-sold the lot at his girlfriend's market stall and has gone off for a holiday on the proceeds.

## fact : Tiger Wood's mum is Thai.

SPECIAL NOTICE :

The entire staff of the Social Shuttle (including the recently sacked sub-editor Mildred Pierce) would like to state, for the record, they have never had an affair or dalliance with the respected golfer  Mr Tiger Woods.

exclusive : Beatle John Lennon's bi-sexual orgies !

The British blogger Madame Arcati says a new book reveals that former Beatle John Lennon indulged in bi-sexual orgies. Former pop king Jonathan King who has sold over 40 million records in his time reveals the tale in his just released autobiography 65 My Life So Far.
                 There have been persistent rumours about Lennon's sexuality over the years especially concerning his manager and the discoverer of  The Beatles, Brian Epstein.
               Lennon's first wife Cynthia, who John married in 1968 but also had been living with since their art school days and possibly knew the Beatle better than anyone including Yoko Ono, details in her 2004 book John the complicated relationship between Lennon and Epstein.

          Although she denies it was sexual she does concede it was an extremely complex relationship with Lennon at times being excessively cruel to Epstein whist at the same time expressing his deep admiration for the man.
                   When Brian Epstein committed suicide in 1967 it was said that he was upset at the possibility of losing  management of The Beatles whilst close friends claimed that Epstein was distraught at losing his influence with Lennon who they said he was obsessed with. Cynthia says Lennon, assassinated in New York in 1980 was devastated at the news of Epstein's death.              
                    A contemporary of Epsteins, the music identity Simon Napier-Bell relates the tale of receiving a long rambling phone message about Lennon from Epstein on his answering machine the night the Beatles manager killed himself.
                  Jonathan King had his first massive hit record in 1965 with his song "Everyones Gone To The Moon" whilst he was still a university undergraduate and went onto have a string of pop hits over the years as well as producing records for top bands like 10CC and Genesis, worked with bands like Iron Maiden, Def Leppard and Whitesnake, ran his own record company, stood for Parliament, hosted TV shows and wrote for newspapers and produced the Eurovision Song Contest.
             He also did a stint in jail and currently has an appeal over that court case before the European Court of Human Rights.

King says in his book that "two or three times" in the 60s, Lennon stayed over at his flat with with several young ladies and was perfectly happy to indulge in a multi-gender session of stimulation."


65 My Life So Far can be obtained at Amazon.
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## tSS has had to sack one staff member after a kind reader pointed out that dreadful spelling mistakes have been rampant throughout posts. The office moggie Mildred Pierce who doubled as a sub-editor has been banished from the office and only fear of the RSPCA who have already pounced upon 2 cast members of "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"over the demise of a rat prevents us from removing the feline from the building..

It's also recommended that one should always double check one's work if using one of those new mini laptops if your sight is not up to par.

"a legend like a character out of central casting.."

   Bob & Blanche Hawke                                                                Prime Minister Kevin Rudd

That's how Prime Minister Kevin Rudd described former PM Bob Hawke when I asked him for a comment tonight about the great Labor Party hero at his 80th birthday party. I think it was meant as a compliment. He added " I'm pleased he got to 80 and I hope he's around for another 20 years". I expect Bob thinks likewise.

150 of the faithful had gathered at Guillaume at Bennelong restaurant at the Sydney Opera House to toast the Golden Bodgie. Hawkie looked his best, resplendent in black tie and his silver mane had never glowed so glossily..
             There were a series of endless toasts from Labor luminaries and a recorded messages from Bill Clinton and golfer Greg Norman plus a live hook-up to former British PM Tony Blair who all sung Hawke's praises. And there were 2 billionaire widows in the room-Kerry Packer's widow Ros and Jeanne, the wife of the late Dick Pratt  who both proclaimed words along the lines of "Bob was good to us when he was in power". Well yes, quite.

Advertising guru John Singleton who masterminded Hawke's 3 election wins said "Hawke would still be PM today if it hadn't been for events"-possibly a gibe at that other Labor PM Paul Keating who had unseated Hawke in a party room spill. Keating sat looking stoney faced.
          
Handel's Messiah may have been thrilling a packed Concert Hall in the main body of the Opera House but this was after all, a celebration for the party of the working man so what could be more appropriate than a stripper gram. One with a difference-a slim female in a mask of Hawke's great adversary, recently trashed PM John Howard . She girated bizarley and slowly stripped. That was enough for tSS-we left just as Bob and Blanche-B1 & B2 were about to cut Bob's birthday cake-a giant golf ball !

John Singleton's squeeze Yvette Hartman in Versace



                                                                        


                                                                         Paul Keating

If striptease is your thing, check out Johnny Howard / Gypsy Rose Lee here
( warning -may offend  )

getting into bed with the Smiths

Mr & Mrs Smith, the British boutique hotel guide experts have finally launched their Australasian guide to the best inns around the country. Not only is this a guide to some of the most interesting and luxurious hotels in some of the most exotic locations , the guide also guarantees the best rates if you book via the Mr & Mrs Smith website

You won't find a Sheraton or Hilton in this book but you will find some fab places where Paris Hilton likes to relax. Victorias at Wategos in northern NSW is one such place where Paris bedded down. It's also hosted David Bowie, James Packer, Mick Jagger, Nicole Kidman and HRH Prince Harry who true to form, caused havoc in the numerous local night spots at the popular Byron Bay resort just around the corner from Wategos beach. (Victorias also has a Lear jet and helicopter on hand)                   
                                                                  Sigrid Thornton

                                                             Victorias at Wategos

Mr & Mrs Smith use a variety of guest writers from all fields to compile their reviews and reports. In this edition actress Sigrid Thornton, Vogue editor Kirstie Clements and party organizer David Grant contribute.
      Grant is the genius event organizer behind the legendary Cointreau Balls (they're now a university study subject) in Sydney and more recently has been overseeing major functions and parties at the last 4 Olympics. He hangs his hat up after the 2012 London games now that reduced budgets are eating into his ability to turn a small drinks affair into a bash never to be forgotten.

The tome was launched at chef Christine Mansfield's new eatery Universal in East Sydney.

       Vogue editor Kirstie Clements & David Grant


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Tonight sees 2 parties that tSS will be at with bells on. The 2010 Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras has it's official launch in Oxford Street with promises of a special star guest (last year it was comedian Joan Rivers) and at the Bennelong Restaurant in the Opera House former Prime Minister Bob Hawke celebrates his 80th birthday with a host of Labor Party luminaries including current PM Kevin Rudd.

the virus is spreading

tSS did say we may as well spread the tale and so it has begun. Right wing mouth piece and the first successful blogger Matt Drudge reports the non-story of the non-break up of Rupert Murdoch and wife Wendi 3 days after the Social Shuttle decided the tale should go viral.

Meanwhile HRH The Queen is threatening to tether the paparazzi if they don't leave her and her royal flock alone whilst on holiday at their various sumptuous palaces.

Perhaps the market will do the job for her as the sale in "celebrity" photos falters. The Social Shuttle's USA agent which distributes our snaps throughout the world sends a regular monthly statement and the latest contains a sales report for a batch of snaps to the glorious mag Hello-the Chinese edition.
      One sale was  for a pic of Murdoch and his wife Wendi (right) which has been published dozens of times throughout Europe and Asia and which featured in a recent Hello-it received the princely sum of $4.70.

everything old is new again

Let's hear a warm welcome for the diminutive Bonwyn Bishop MP who arrives back on the Opposition front bench, elevated today by the Mad Monk Tony Abbott. As a sometime walker of the Antipodean Iron Lady-who makes her heroine Margaret Thatcher look like a lefty-underneath that steely exterior tSS can report is a real party gal.

Bronny becomes Opposition spokesperson on aged care. She has experience here. In a similar role under PM John Howard she had to weather the storm that surrounded reports of pensioners being scolded in baths and doused in kerosene in Victorian retirement homes.

With a tSS produced Warhol style portrait dominating her Dee Why electorate office, Bishop had made many a senior public servant wilt under her fixed gaze and rapid fire questioning in Senate Estimates Committees.

Once, when Minister for Armed Forces Personnel, Bronwyn inspected one of the new Collin's Class submarines and later back on the wharf and surrounded by young smiling sailors announced to the assembled media flock: "I'm the first female politician to go down on a submarine !"

credit where it's due...

Top TV network, the former Kerry Packer owned TCN 9  is boasting on youtube in a news promo the fact that their political reporter Kevin Wilde:  "three months ago (Kevin Wilde) broke the news that Kristina Keneally would be our next premier,'' .

Wilde was slightly out in his predictions-he claimed Keneally would take the helm on Sept 1st- whereas the Social Shuttle said 3 months ago that " The Shuttle confidently predicts that within 2 months the new state premier will be 40 year old American born Kristina Keneally.". Wilde reported Keneally's ascension on Dec 3rd on the 10.30pm news. tSS blogged the news at 7.45pm the same night.

We were out by 4 weeks, Wilde by 3 months.
Channel Nine staff : 2000 plus . the Social Shuttle staff : 3 plus one cat.

## Tomorrow : tSS resident Thailand spy and former top Nine network GTV 9 sports broadcaster Rob Astbury reports on the latest goings-on in the seaside playground of Pattaya .

"14 days to seal history's judgement....'

Above are  the logos of 56 newspapers in 45 countries and today they are running, for the first time in history, a common editorial on a subject regarded as the most important to mankind this century, or as one puts it "We do so because humanity faces a profound emergency."

No-it isn't an announcement of the re-uniting of Peter Andre and Jordon. It's all about climate change (what else ?). Where does this leave new Federal Opposition Leader, budgie smuggler clad Tony Abbott who has surfed in on a wave of climate change denial with his Liberal Party moisten eyed in ecstasy at what they perceive as a New Leader who will deliver them from the wilderness of the opposition backbenches and probable oblivion in 2010 ?. Probably up the creek.

Read the UK Guardian's piece on the editorial and see if you can spot the Aussie tabloid in the pic above.

blogwatch...

an occasional series bringing you the latest from the web..

Tacky Weddings..a must see if you are planing your nuptials. No word yet if Melbourne's most famous bridal couple Mr & Mrs Geoffrey Edelsten will feature.






our favourite  : Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians   ...it's more common than you think !

some light relief..

Marky Mark Wahlberg's workout video to get rid of those extra kilos over Christmas..